What is the difference between a no-secrets policy and a limited secrets policy?

Under a no-secrets policy, the therapist does not keep individual secrets from either partner. If one partner discloses information in an individual communication (phone call, email, or individual session), the therapist may use that information in couples work and may encourage the disclosing partner to share it. The therapist cannot be held hostage by a secret. Under a limited secrets policy, the therapist agrees to hold certain individual disclosures in confidence and will not reveal them to the other partner without permission. The key difference is what happens when one partner discloses an affair: under a no-secrets policy, the therapist cannot continue couples work while concealing the affair.

Which approach is better — no-secrets or limited secrets?

Neither approach is universally better; both have clinical and ethical merits. The no-secrets approach protects the integrity of the therapeutic process and prevents the therapist from being placed in the untenable position of colluding with one partner against the other. The limited secrets approach respects individual autonomy and can create space for partners to process difficult information before disclosing. Most couples therapy training programs and ethics experts recommend the no-secrets approach because it avoids the ethical trap of holding information that could fundamentally affect treatment. What matters most is that you choose an approach, communicate it clearly at intake, and apply it consistently.

What if a partner discloses an active affair under a no-secrets policy?

Under a no-secrets policy, you would not reveal the affair directly to the other partner, but you would inform the disclosing partner that you cannot continue couples therapy while keeping this secret. You would typically give the partner a reasonable timeframe (often 1-3 sessions) to disclose the affair in a couples session, offer to facilitate that disclosure, and explain that if they choose not to disclose, you will need to end the couples therapy without revealing the specific reason — stating only that individual issues have emerged that prevent effective couples work at this time. You would also offer individual therapy referrals.

Do I need to create a separate record for each partner in couples therapy?

This depends on your state's laws and your practice model. Some clinicians maintain a single couples file. Others maintain individual files for each partner. The safest approach is to maintain a single couples therapy record that belongs to the couple jointly, and to avoid conducting extensive individual sessions that would generate separate individual records. If one partner later requests records or if a subpoena is issued in a divorce case, having a single joint record reduces the risk of being caught between competing access requests.

Can I see couples individually while doing couples therapy?

This is one of the most debated issues in couples therapy practice. Some clinicians routinely conduct individual check-in sessions with each partner as part of the couples treatment model. Others avoid individual sessions entirely to prevent being placed in a confidentiality bind. If you do conduct individual sessions, your confidentiality policy must clearly state how information from those sessions will be handled — and this must be decided and communicated before the individual sessions occur, not after a secret is disclosed.

Couples Therapy Confidentiality Policy: No-Secrets vs. Limited Secrets

Practice Forms|11 min read|Updated 2026-03-20|Clinically reviewed

What Is a Couples Therapy Confidentiality Policy?

A couples therapy confidentiality policy is a written document that defines how the therapist will handle confidential information when providing therapy to two (or more) people simultaneously. Unlike individual therapy, where confidentiality is straightforward — what the client shares stays between the client and the therapist — couples therapy creates a structural ambiguity: when one partner communicates with the therapist outside of a joint session, what obligation does the therapist have regarding that information?

This ambiguity is not merely theoretical. It arises constantly in clinical practice. One partner calls between sessions to share something they are not ready to discuss in front of their partner. An email arrives with a disclosure about an affair, an addiction, or a financial secret. One partner wants to discuss something individually before bringing it to the couple. Without a clear, pre-established policy, the therapist is left improvising in ethically dangerous territory.

The two dominant approaches in the field are the no-secrets policy (sometimes called the transparency policy) and the limited secrets policy (sometimes called the bounded confidentiality policy). Each has defensible clinical rationale, and each creates different ethical obligations. What is indefensible is having no policy at all.

When You Need It

At the intake session with every couple, before any therapeutic work begins
When transitioning from individual therapy with one partner to couples therapy with both
When adding individual sessions to an ongoing couples therapy model
When a partner contacts you individually between sessions and you need to reference your policy
When responding to subpoenas or records requests in divorce proceedings involving a former couples client

Key Components / What to Include

1. Statement of the Therapeutic Relationship

Define who the client is. In couples therapy, the relationship is the client — or alternatively, both partners are co-clients. This distinction matters for records access, privilege, and consent to treatment. State your approach clearly: "The therapeutic relationship is with the couple. Both partners are co-clients with equal standing."

2. The Confidentiality Model

Choose and describe your model:

No-Secrets Policy: The therapist will not hold secrets from one partner that were disclosed by the other. If a partner shares information with the therapist individually (by phone, email, or in an individual session), the therapist reserves the right to use that information in couples therapy as clinically appropriate. The therapist will not unilaterally reveal secrets but will work with the disclosing partner to bring relevant information into the couples work.

Limited Secrets Policy: The therapist will hold individually disclosed information in confidence unless the disclosing partner authorizes its release. The therapist will maintain a boundary between what is shared individually and what is shared in joint sessions. The therapist will encourage — but not require — disclosure of information relevant to the couples work.

3. Communication Between Sessions

Specify how between-session communications will be handled. Will emails and phone calls from one partner be shared with the other? Many clinicians adopt a transparency rule: any communication from one partner will be treated as information available to the couple, not as individual confidences.

4. Individual Sessions Within Couples Treatment

If you conduct individual sessions as part of couples therapy, state how information from those sessions will be handled. Under a no-secrets model, individual sessions are not confidential from the other partner. Under a limited secrets model, they may be.

5. What Happens When Secrets Arise

Describe the specific procedure when a partner discloses information that creates a confidentiality dilemma — such as an ongoing affair, hidden substance use, or undisclosed financial behavior. This is the core of the policy and must be concrete enough to guide action.

6. Termination Due to Confidentiality Issues

Explain the circumstances under which you may need to terminate couples therapy because of confidentiality concerns — for example, if a partner discloses an ongoing affair under a no-secrets policy and refuses to address it in couples work.

7. Records Access and Legal Proceedings

State that both partners have equal access to the couples therapy record. Address the possibility that the record may be subpoenaed in divorce or custody proceedings and explain your policy (typically, asserting privilege unless both parties consent to release or a court orders disclosure).

Couples Therapy No-Secrets Confidentiality Policy

[PRACTICE NAME] COUPLES THERAPY CONFIDENTIALITY POLICY

Therapist: [Clinician Name], [Credentials]

This document describes how confidentiality works in couples therapy. Couples therapy is different from individual therapy, and it is essential that both partners understand and agree to this policy before we begin.

1. Who Is the Client?

In couples therapy, the relationship is the focus of treatment, and both partners are co-clients. This means that neither partner has a privileged or separate therapeutic relationship with me. My role is to support the health of the relationship and both individuals within it — I am not an advocate for one partner over the other.

2. No-Secrets Policy

I operate under a no-secrets policy. This means:

I will not keep secrets from one partner that were shared by the other. If you tell me something individually — whether by phone, email, text, or in a separate conversation — I reserve the right to bring that information into our couples work if it is clinically relevant.
I will not unilaterally reveal your disclosures to your partner. Instead, I will work with you to find a way to bring important information into our sessions together.
I will not agree to hold information "just between us." If you share something with me individually, you are sharing it with me in my role as the couples therapist, and it becomes part of our work together.

Why this policy: Experience and research demonstrate that effective couples therapy depends on honesty and transparency. If I hold one partner's secret, I am no longer a neutral therapist — I become an ally of the secret-keeper and an unwitting deceiver of the other partner. This compromises the integrity of the therapy and is unfair to both of you.

3. What This Means in Practice

Between-session communications: If you email, call, or text me between sessions, I will treat that communication as information available to the couple. Please do not send me information you want kept from your partner.

Individual sessions: If I schedule individual check-in sessions with each partner as part of our treatment plan, the no-secrets policy still applies. These sessions are a component of the couples therapy, not separate individual therapy.

What if you have a secret you are considering disclosing? If you are struggling with whether to disclose something to your partner (such as an affair, a significant lie, or a hidden behavior), I encourage you to discuss that struggle with me — but please understand that once you share the information with me, I cannot un-know it, and I will work with you to address it within the couples therapy.

4. If a Secret Is Disclosed

If one partner discloses information that fundamentally affects the couples work (such as an ongoing affair), I will:

Not reveal the information to the other partner
Inform the disclosing partner that I cannot continue effective couples therapy while this information is concealed
Provide the disclosing partner a reasonable timeframe (typically 2-4 weeks) to disclose the information in session, with my support
If the disclosing partner chooses not to share the information, I will end the couples therapy, stating that individual issues have emerged that prevent effective couples work at this time — without revealing the specific reason
Provide referrals to each partner for individual therapy and, if desired, to another couples therapist

5. Limits of Confidentiality

The standard limits of confidentiality apply to couples therapy:

Suspected child abuse or neglect — mandated reporting
Suspected elder or dependent adult abuse — mandated reporting
Imminent danger to self or others — duty to protect/warn
Court orders
As otherwise required by law

If one partner discloses information that triggers a mandated report (for example, child abuse), I am legally obligated to report regardless of the other partner's knowledge or involvement.

6. Records and Legal Proceedings

I maintain a single clinical record for the couples therapy. Both partners have equal right to access the record. I will not provide records to one partner without the knowledge of the other, except as required by law.

If your relationship ends and one partner (or their attorney) requests records or testimony related to the couples therapy, I will assert therapeutic privilege to the extent permitted by law. I will not voluntarily provide testimony or records in divorce or custody proceedings. If compelled by court order, both partners will be notified.

I strongly advise against using couples therapy records in adversarial legal proceedings. The record reflects a collaborative therapeutic process and is not designed to serve as evidence for or against either partner.

7. Transitioning to Individual Therapy

If couples therapy ends and one partner wishes to continue individual therapy with me, I will generally decline, as the prior couples relationship creates a conflict of interest. I will provide referrals to individual therapists. In rare circumstances where both partners provide written consent and there is no ongoing conflict, I may agree to see one partner individually — but this is the exception, not the rule.

Acknowledgment

We have read and understand the No-Secrets Confidentiality Policy. We have had the opportunity to ask questions and discuss concerns. We agree to abide by this policy as a condition of participating in couples therapy.

Partner 1 Signature: _________________________________ Date: __________ Printed Name: _______________________________________

Partner 2 Signature: _________________________________ Date: __________ Printed Name: _______________________________________

Therapist Signature: _________________________________ Date: __________ [Clinician Name], [Credentials]

This is a sample for educational purposes only — not real patient data.

How to Implement It

Step 1: Choose your model. Decide whether you will operate under a no-secrets or limited secrets policy. This should be based on your clinical training, theoretical orientation, and comfort level with the ethical obligations each model creates. Most Gottman-trained, EFT-trained, and AAMFT-affiliated therapists recommend the no-secrets approach.

Step 2: Present the policy at intake. Review the confidentiality policy with both partners during the first session, before any clinical history is taken. Do not wait until a secret is disclosed to establish your policy — by then, it is too late.

Step 3: Ensure both partners understand and consent. Both partners must sign the policy. If either partner has reservations or does not agree, address those concerns before proceeding. If a partner insists on the ability to keep secrets, consider whether you can ethically provide couples therapy under those conditions.

Step 4: Reinforce the policy when individual communications occur. The first time a partner emails or calls between sessions, gently remind them of the no-secrets policy before they disclose anything sensitive. This prevents the partner from being caught off guard by the policy's implications.

Step 5: Apply the policy consistently. The policy only works if it is applied uniformly. If you make an exception for one couple or one situation, you undermine the policy's protective function and create inconsistency in your clinical practice.

Common Mistakes

Having no confidentiality policy. The most common and most dangerous mistake is beginning couples therapy without explicitly addressing how secrets will be handled. This guarantees that the therapist will eventually be blindsided by a disclosure with no framework for managing it.

Holding a secret and continuing couples therapy. Under a no-secrets policy, continuing couples therapy while holding a partner's secret about an active affair is ethically untenable. You are, in effect, facilitating a deception. Under a limited secrets policy, this may be defensible but it is clinically precarious.

Applying an individual therapy confidentiality model to couples. In individual therapy, the therapist holds everything in confidence. Applying this same model to couples therapy means treating each partner as a separate individual client, which creates impossible conflicts of interest when one partner's disclosures are adverse to the other's interests.

Failing to address the policy when transitioning from individual to couples therapy. If you have been seeing one partner individually and then begin seeing the couple, the prior individual client may assume that everything they previously shared remains confidential from their partner. This must be explicitly discussed and documented before couples work begins.

Not having a clear exit strategy for confidentiality impasses. If a partner discloses an active affair and refuses to address it, you need a pre-planned, documented response. Improvising in this situation often leads to ethical violations or clinical harm.

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